Me: ...these are the harder questions. Do I have to answer them now? I don't think I even know the answers right now. So, Jesus, where are you in all of this? Where should I be going? What should I be doing?
God: Should isn't the right question. Jessica, I have given you free will. You are free to live your life.
Me: But God, what about all the things I was taught about needing to know what you are calling me to and seeking to hear for direction? What about right and wrong? What about sin and no sin? What about making the right decisions in the small details? What about...?
God: Child, I love you as you are and not as you should be. And who said "Should be" anyway? Not I. Some things you were taught or believe are wrong. I have given you freedom.
Me: But what about knowing your plan for my life?
God: You make the plan. You decide. You have choices.
Me: So I don't have some plan of destiny? There isn't a right answer?
God: No
Me: What have I been believing my whole life then?
God: In what others have told you and what you have told yourself.
Me: So now what? How do I choose to live well? How do I let go of dreams and promises that were made to me? What about the things I thought you said? What about my ideas of who you are?
God: Jess, my child, what do you think I have been doing? I have been slowly revealing myself to you as I truly am and not how others depict me. You can't handle it all at once. Be patient. I will continue to reveal myself to you. In the meantime, choose to take care of yourself and quit worrying so much. You're making others nervous. That's not who you are. Stop worrying and love. Be you and live. Know that life doesn't work as a detailed power point plan.
Me: Why not? I want it to.
God: I know. But trust me, it's better this way. Jessica, I love you as you are. It's okay to not have a plan or all the answers. Find inner peace. I am there. You don't have to worry so much and you definitely don't need to go so fast. Slow down. Take one step at a time and be free.
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