Letter of Encouragement

God has been working on me in a lot of ways, one specific way is by continuously reminding me that I need to be bold and confident.  God has given me special gifts and He wants to work in and through me to further His kingdom. That's crazy! But it's beautiful and amazing.  I struggle with this a lot and am often down on myself.  So, yesterday, I wrote a letter of encouragement to myself to help remind me to stay rooted in the truth that God has taught me.  I wanted to share the letter with you.  Hopefully it will be an encouragement to you because I am certain I am not the only one who struggles with confidence and boldness.


Dearest Jessica,

God has created you. He has given you the gifts and abilities to be a campus staff member. You have experiences that will help you relate to so many people.  You will never be perfect.  Your authenticity and honesty are two of the many traits that allow you to connect with people relationally.  Use those gifts on campus, outside of campus, in your family and with donors.  Be real always.  Don't be afraid to share and express your passion.  Go in boldness and confidence because you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you.  You can move mountains because of this.  You see the potential in others and get frustrated when they don't reach that potential.  See the potential in yourself and reach to fulfill that.  Jessica, God has gifted you and wants to use you to change people's lives.  Stop selling yourself short.  Stop beating yourself up.  Know that you are Good's and He is in control.  Know that you are beautiful.  Know that you have this fierce, bold, wonderful, kind spirit about you that will impact everyone you meet if you let people see you. Share yourself with others because you are a gift to them.  Be confident in the abilities God has given you and go forth.

Jessica

I know it seems silly to write a letter to yourself but it is uplifting to me every time I read it.  Try it yourself.  Insert your name instead of mine and list the qualities God has gifted you with. Remind yourself that God has a purpose for you and you can do those things in boldness and confidence.  If you don't know what those things are yet, talk to someone about it, pray and ask God for guidance.  Know that even today God has something in store for you. You are special and unique.  God wants to use you to further His kingdom.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Follow Me

I meet with some students to talk about Jesus.  Essentially it is a Bible study but I think that Bible study has a specific meaning behind it that often is negative or has to be a certain structure.  We meet once a week, talk about our lives, look at scripture to see who Jesus is and what he is all about, talk about how this translates to our lives, pray and hang out.  It is beautiful and the girls that I meet with are wonderful.

Today, we were looking at two passages, Luke 9:18-26 and Luke 18:18-30.  The last part got me.  I almost cried.


"'Truly I tell you, ' Jesus said to them, 'no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.'"  Luke 18:28-30


This was a reminder to me.  Nearly four months ago, I left everything I knew to move to Indiana to work with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.  It has been a beautiful and wonderful journey.  I am constantly excited about my job.  I truly love it and can't believe I get paid to do what I do.  It's amazing.  But there are times that have been difficult.  Being here for four months means that I have been away from my family and my friends, the people who know me, familiar.  I have experienced homesickness for the first time in my life.  Everything is new. Everything is a learning experience.  Sometimes I just want to be in a familiar place with familiar people who will hug me and smile at me.

Reading this passage today was God's reminder to me why I moved in the first place.  He has called me here.  I followed Him here.  This is exactly where I am supposed to be. I will be rewarded for my obedience.  I am here to help further the Kingdom.

Jesus often says in the Gospels, "come, follow me."  I am curious: are you following him?  In this passage, Jesus is telling a wealthy man that he must sell all he has to enter the Kingdom of God.   Are you willing to give up everything you have to follow Him?  I am not saying that God is asking you to give up everything, but would you be willing to?  It's all about our hearts and the attitude that is there. This is your heart check for today:  What are you willing to do to follow Christ?

God's Provision

Since April 2011, I have been working on Fund Development for my job with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA.  I have learned a lot and have many stories regarding that journey.  There is one specific story I want to share with you this evening.

Back in December, I had a really interesting conversation with my 84-year old Italian Grandfather.  He is a great man whom I love dearly.  I do not know if he believes in God, but I think he does believe, at the very least, that God may exist.  Regardless, he was not thrilled about my decision to work for InterVarsity.  This is because he wants to make sure I am taken care of and have an ample amount of money.  He wants me to live a "good life", which for him means to be incredibly wealthy in monetary riches.  I tried to explain to him that for me a wealthy life is so much more than money but I don't think we connected well on that level.  When he heard that I had to raise $44,000, he couldn't fathom how I would be able to raise that amount of money.  In this economy, who could?  Our conversation continued back and forth about many things and finally I told him, "Grandpa, I will call you when I am fully funded."  He responded, "I hope you do, Jessica. I hope you do." (in unbelief)

In February, I had around 73% of my budget.  I knew that March 12th I would get to see my Grandfather over spring break.  I prayed to God and prayed big.  We generally don't pray big enough.  If we really believe God is who He says He is, why do we say such meager prayers?  Anyway, I asked God to provide my full budget by March 12th so that I could tell my Grandfather that I was fully funded. I knew it was a stretch and I knew it was only possible with God, but I believed that it could actually happen even if other people around me didn't.

February 27th, I went to a staff meeting.  On the way there, I was talking to my roommate who is also on staff with InterVarsity.  We were talking about Fund Development and in particular this excel document that we have to fill out in order to figure out at what percentage we are currently.  She was explaining to me how she was filling it out and I noticed that it was different than myself.  We got to our staff meeting and asked our superior how it was supposed to be filled out.  I was was filling it out incorrectly... This meant that I was probably at a much higher percentage than I thought!  I could not wait to get home to fix it on my computer to figure out the percentage.  I had to wait what seemed like forever to do so.  I finally got home and immediately fixed my mistake.

The percentage ended up being 101%.

Not only was I fully funded, I had over the amount that I needed for this year.  I cried.  I was so ecstatic.  I could finally share with my family that it was possible and that God provided my full budget.

March 12th rolled around and I went to visit my grandparents with my boyfriend.  We got there and had a splendid time.  Right before we left, I told Grandpa that I was fully funded.  He looked at me and said, "I am so proud of you.  God bless America!" and proceeded to give me a hug.  It was a special moment for me.  I don't know if my Grandpa really understands the significance of what God did, but I am encouraged and pray that God would continue to open up doors of conversation with my Grandpa.

Thank you for your prayers.  God has heard and responded greatly.  Fund Development is not over.  It is a continuous process and I will have to raise even more for next year.  I have no doubt in my mind that God will provide my need.  He is our ultimate provider.  :-)

Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

So what do you need?  What aren't you asking for?  What do you think is too big for God to handle?  Ask for it and see what happens.

Epic Fail?

Last time I wrote, I was ready to charge forward, get out of my comfort zone and pop through my bubble of safety.  I went to campus with that intent and purpose.  I walked around the union (where there is a lot of traffic on campus) and began to pray and ask God who I should approach.  I had told myself that the goal was to talk to three people I didn't know and try to start a spiritual conversation.  The longer I walked around, the more scared I got.  A million thoughts were swarming my brain:


"I can't do this"  "I'm going to bother people while their studying"  "It's really awkward to approach people when they have no clue who I am"  "I have passed that person like three times now, if I approach them now, they will think I was stalking them"  "I can't do this"  "I'm too scared"  "God help me"  "I have to do this; I have to talk to three people; I told so many that was my goal; I can't fail"  "I will walk around one more time and then I'll talk to someone"  "I can't do this"  "God, really?  I can't talk to him"  "Why do so many people wear earbuds all the time?"  "Why is this so hard?"  "I can't do this"  "I'm a pansy"  


That's a small portion of the thoughts that were rattling around in my brain.  You know what I did?  I walked out of the union, straight to the parking garage, got in my car and drove home.


Epic fail...


Sigh...


I talked myself out of it.  I did not take my own advice.  I did not choose to remember that God would guide me through the conversations.  I let my fear overcome me and I walked away.  I chose to say no for those people.  The people God called me to talk to, I walked away from and they may have needed to hear the Gospel.  They may have needed a friendly smile.  They may have needed to be invited to something.  They may have needed a word of encouragement.  I could have provided all of those things.  God has gifted me and equipped me to share with others.  I chose to walk away...


But you know what?  God is bigger than all of this.  He can redeem this.  I don't actually think that this was an epic failure.  It's just part of me being human and recognizing that I definitely can't do this on my own.  


1 John 2:12, says "I am writing to you who are God’s children because your sins have been forgiven through Jesus."


Jesus has covered my sin.  God knows I am not perfect.  We all make mistakes.  We have to learn how to give ourselves grace and forgive ourselves so we can move forward.  This was a great learning experience for me.  I was humbled.  I know that I can't go through life without God and others for support.  I am going to choose to forgive myself and try again.  


What about you?  Where have you "epically failed"?  What can you learn from that experience?  Have you forgiven yourself?  God has forgiven you. He has extended you his grace.  Claim that grace and walk in freedom and peace.  You will continue to fail but God knows that already.  It is part of the growing experience.  Will you let it hinder you, or drive you to become better and move forward?

Wall of Fear

I have made it to Indiana. It has been such a journey to get here and I have finally made it to my destination.  I can't even begin to describe to you the things that God is doing in my life.  First, I should update you on my budget status.  I have raised 68% of my budget and still need to raise $14,200.  Please continue to pray for me as I work toward my goal of 100%.

I love my job!  I know there are not many that can echo this and I know that I am blessed to be able to say this on a daily basis. I get to work with college students and talk with them about Jesus.  I get to walk through life with people and share in the messiness and brokenness and work towards restoration and wholeness.  It's a beautiful adventure.  Thank you God :-)

I want to share with you something that I have been working on myself and seems to be what others in my life are also working through.  The wall of fear.  When God calls you to do something, you know it. You have a vision, a purpose, a goal, a gut feeling, somehow you know when God is asking something of you whether it is to do something or not do something, it doesn't matter. You just know.  Often people talk about being obedient.  That seems simple enough. God says do this so you go do that.  Reality is, that it is not so simple.  Most of the time when God calls us to do something, it requires us to stretch ourselves.  We don't want to do that. We want to stay comfortable just where we are because we are content in our little bubbles we have created for ourselves.

As we sit in the center of our bubbles we feel safe and within the confines of our comfort zones.  The moment that we start nearing the edge of the bubble we begin to sense some fear.  When we can touch the outer edge of the bubble, we begin to feel petrified. That is the wall of fear I referred to earlier.  That is where we often walk back to the middle of the bubble and sit in a fetal position vowing never to leave ever again.  Not very often is someone brave enough to pop the bubble and venture outside of their comfort zone.

Something that is difficult for me to do is talk to complete strangers.  As part of my job as a staff worker with IV, I am supposed to walk up to random college students I do not know to do contact evangelism.  This means that I am going to start spiritual conversations with people I do not know.  These people could be atheists or love Jesus. I have no idea but I am called to walk up to them and start a conversation.  This petrifies me.  It seems like such an awkward thing to do.

The reality is though that people want to have spiritual conversations but most of our world tells us that we can't.  Or in the "Christian" world they just beat you over the head with a Bible. Often our culture does not just let people speak freely about what they believe or what questions they may have about spirituality.

So this week, I am going to pop my bubble and venture out of my comfort zone to talk to people I don't know about spiritual things.  God will be with me.  He will guide my way and He will help me get past my wall of fear.  I have been past different walls of fear in my life and what ends up happening is that I get this really amazing sense of peace and I find that life outside the bubble isn't so bad, in fact, there is a new sense of freedom and a great new perspective about life that I didn't have before.

So what about you?  What is your wall of fear?  What is God calling you to do?  Have you ventured outside the middle of your bubble?  Are you ready to punch through that wall of fear and see what God has to offer you on the other side?

Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."