Things I should have figured out much earlier in life

1. J Lo and Jennifer Lopez are the same person.
I think I was in college by the time I figured this out. The saddest part about this is that the people who pointed it out to me were my parents.

2. Pancakes are not pronounced pan-e-cakes.
As children, my sister and I pronounced pancakes incorrectly. I am not sure when we finally figured out that we were saying it incorrectly. I know that our parents thought it was cute but I imagine we were a little old to be saying it incorrectly by the time we changed our habits.

3. Songs have meanings.
I have always been a musician at heart. I would sing along with the Rock Music my dad would blast throughout the house. It was fun. I remember very clearly though when I had the epiphany that what I was singing actually meant something. I was probably around 11 when I finally comprehended what I was singing about. To this day, I am surprised about some of the lyrics I was singing as a child. J

4. Turkey and Ham are traditional Christmas meals for many Americans
"So what do you eat on Christmas, Jess?" you may ask. On Christmas Eve I go to Omi and Papa's house. Omi is from Germany so we eat German food: bratwurst, sausage, red cabbage, potato salad, salad, bread and cookies. Yummy. Christmas day is spent with my Italian family: Italian wedding soup, gnocchis, meatballs, salad, green beans, mashed potatoes, beef tenderloin, and lots of pie and cookies. Mmmmmm. I think I was in college when I started to realize that this was not normal for most families.

5. "Every kiss begins with Kay"
As a young teenager I was very opinionated about things like relationships, girly stuff, practicality, romance, God, etc. Every time I heard the commercial slogan for Kay Jewelers, I would get extremely mad. Why in the world would people think that every kiss had to begin with Kay Jewelry? I am sad to say that I was in college before I realized the double meaning of the slogan.

6. Aladdin and Steve from Full House are both Scott Weinger
I am fairly decent with voices. Before caller ID, I was great at knowing who was calling just by the voice. I can generally tell who is in the other room if they are talking. I usually recognize someone's voice before I recognize their face. As a kid, my favorite Disney movie was Aladdin. Full House was another show I watched. I was probably 16 or 17 before I realized Aladdin and Steve had the same voice. It changed the paradigm of my movie watching.

7. Black men find me attractive.
I was not great at understanding flirting while I was in Junior High and High School. Actually, I am still not good at it but I am improving. (Thanks to my husband J). Usually surrounded by white people, naturally I had crushes on white men. Most seemed not to be very interested in me. I did have a few white boyfriends in college. I think I was a junior in college when I began to notice that black men noticed me. I started sharing this with my friends. Ellie and Melissa both teased me about it and said that one day I would marry a black man. (Yes they were right). Just yesterday I was at the grocery store and the man bagging my groceries complimented me on my jacket to start up a conversation. A couple weeks ago I was in the leasing office at my apartment complex and a man complimented me on my glasses to engage with me. I could go on and on about the times where guys started conversations with me. The thing they have in common is that they are either old or they are black, sometimes both. Looking back, I actually would understand the art of flirting had I known this sooner.

Pleading with God about Winter

God,

I have always loved the snow; you are very much aware of that. It's beautiful. It reminds me of redemption and healing. My sins are washed away and they are white as snow. Forgiveness and your grace. I also enjoy winter fun like ice skating, sledding, skiing, snowball fights, making snowmen and more. It's nice to sit by a fireplace reading a book with some mint tea looking out the window from time to time at this glorious creation of yours. Thank you for sharing this delight with me.

There are many other things that come with the snow though. Papa, car accidents, depression, lack of pay checks because couldn't get into work, higher bills because of the heater running constantly, parents don't have anywhere to drop off their kids because school is cancelled for the 90th time this winter, people fall on ice, sickness spreads dramatically indoors and more. On behalf of your children, Papa please make winter end. Melt the snow. Bring the sunshine. Raise the temperature. Allow the flowers to bloom. Allow us to be able to go outside and end the depressive states many of us are in. Papa, I love you and I am so grateful for so many things. We are over winter. Please make it stop.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter,
Jessica

Grace

Grace

Darkness closing in

Tension building higher and higher

Hope drifting away

The air frigid

Knowledge of occurrence

Pain inflicted

Guilt plagues

Heart racing

Words lacking

Speak

Time stands still

Waiting for response

Emotions heavy

See a glimpse of smile

Warmth arising

Tension slowly diminishes

Brightness enters in

Undeserved beautiful words,

"I forgive you."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" is a question we hear over and over and over again starting at the early ages of life. I am guilty of having asked this question to many. What does it really mean though? Is this question actually important in the scheme of life? What are we really telling people with this question? What you be…that's not even actually grammatically correct. Who you want to be and what you want to do are the correct forms of that sentence. So what are we actually asking? Are we asking who do you want to be when you grow up or what do you want to do when you grow up? Which is more important? As a whole, most are asking the later. So do you want to be a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a vet, a pilot, a construction worker, an architect, a writer, a musician, a dancer, etc? Yes it is a completely valid question. It is fun to learn about the interests of others and what they are dreaming about for their future possibilities. I have to argue, however, the first question is far more important.

Who do you want to be?

I want to be a wise, confident woman who has a beautiful faith in God, is connected deeply to the Holy Spirit, loves others, is a wonderful wife, a caring mother, has an adventurous spirit, obedient, is full of joy and peace, helps those around her, prays fervently, and is present in the day to day moments in life. In order to become this person I have to practice and prepare very differently than if I am focused on doing something specific.

Then why do we seem to focus all of our attention on what we will do? Most education is geared toward this. But is that really what our lives are all about? What we do?

I believe that God is far more interested in who we become instead of what we do. Out of who we become will direct the ways of what we will do. What we do is secondary to who we are. God focuses on the heart.

In the Christian world the big question is, "What is your calling?". What in the world does that actually mean?!? Is that really what God wants us to focus on? Yes, I believe that we need to be obedient to what God says when he speaks to us. I know that we need to do the things God is asking of us. But when I look at the meta-picture of the Bible I see God who is interested in who the people are becoming more than what they do. Take Moses for instance. We look at all the things he did…well what God did through him like freeing the Israelites from Pharaoh, parting the Red Sea, writing the ten commandments, etc. Look at who Moses was when he started off this story. He was a murderer who ran away from home. He questioned God. He couldn't speak well. He was insecure. He was not a strong leader by any means. Besides being a child who grew up in Pharaoh's palace, he was not really much. But who did he become? He became a forgiven, faithful, God-fearing, strong leader who was patient, kind, respected, loved, fierce, secure in who he was and utilized by God in so many great ways.

Shouldn't we be more focused on who we are becoming so then God may use us to do the things he wants us to do? The daily grind of becoming faithful, patient, kind, loving, good, gentle, joyous, peaceful, and self-controlled people is what we need to focus on. When we work on those things and become the person God created us to be we will automatically do the things we need to do. God will work through us and guide us toward those things. I don't think we should be focused on calling but instead on who God calls us to be.

Right now, I have no idea what is next for me. I don't know what occupation I will have or what I will do but I do know who I want to be. I know that God is calling me to be present. I know he wants me to be still and notice all of the people that are around me. I know he wants me to pray for people and talk to random people I am standing next to in line at the grocery store. I know he wants me to spend time with him. I know he wants to heal me and help me become more and more the person he created me to be. I am excited about this time. I want to spend this time working through that process of being rather than training for something I may or may not be doing for a short time. Who I become is far more important that what I do.

Who do you want to be?



I know that this is only tangential to what I wrote about today but check out this TedTalk. This 13 year old boy has an interesting and brilliant perspective on life.
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/01/07/this-is-what-happens-when-a-kid-leaves-traditional-education/