Who decided what beauty is anyway?
It's a question I have really been pondering lately. I know sometimes, especially as women, we say that question to try to make ourselves feel better about our bodies. But, do we actually stop to really think about the reality of it? Like, who decided that having a flat stomach was beautiful? Who said that a woman's body should be hairless except for the head and the eyebrows? Who said having big boobs and a round butt was beautiful? Who said having big eyes was beautiful?
Being on the other side of the world has taught me something interesting. No matter where you're from or who you look like, a woman is looking to change something about herself. Women in Korea spend so much money on their faces. They buy lots of makeup and even get surgery to make their eyelids have a "double eyelid" like westerners. They also want their skin to look whiter. This is what they view as beautiful. Many women in America want their bodies to look like the Korean women I have met.
Why?
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we think we have to change our appearances to be more beautiful? Why don't we accept what was given to us and find beauty in that? I know there are some real reasons to these questions having to do with business, the media, and what powerful men have said is beautiful, but why are we buying into the bullshit?
Seriously, in many ways we have come so far. In many places, women are very successful in the workplace. We are working towards equal pay and family leave. In America, and other parts of the world, we now have a voice to vote and help make changes to the political systems. Why are we still stuck on what others tell us about beauty when we have said "Fuck you" to the other things that people said women couldn't do? Why do we buy into the lies that we are not beautiful as we are? Why do we buy diet pills, wear uncomfortable things, and all sorts of crazy things to change our appearances?
Okay, sometimes it's fun and it's just nice to do something different to make ourselves feel really good. Sometimes it's out of creativity and how we engage the world. Not all of us are so insecure about our bodies feeling the need to change them.
For myself, I have found that serveral factors go into my body image issues. Watching my mother swing diet growing up, seeing what the media portrayed as beauty, and listening to men around me who I desperately wanted to like me back are a few of the reasons I have struggled for so long with my body and issues of beauty.
But fuck that! Who cares what the media says is beautiful? My mom obviously had some issues for herself, but should I also take on the same demons? No way! And who the hell cares what a man says to me about changing my body?! If he doesn't like who I am as I am, well then he doesn't deserve me. I am beautiful. I am powerful. I am great. I am amazing. I don't need to change my appearance beacause who defined beauty anyways? I'm gonna define my own view of beauty. I am beautiful. It doesn't matter what anyone else says.
I say that now...I have confidence and am up on my high horse. Tomorrow will be different. I will probably start to feel the twinge of defeat and look at myself in the mirror and want to change something again. I do think it's a slow process of changing my inner dialogue though. I know I try to help my fellow female friends by telling them that they are beautiful. But let's be honest ladies, most of us are grateful but really want to hear it from a guy who loves us and not just our female friends. But, what we ought to be doing is telling ourselves this everyday until we believe it. Our inner dialogue to ourselves is so very important. It's something I come back to time and time again.
When I was in college, I had an inner dialogue that said "You're stupid", to myself all the time. It even spilled out into conversation so much so that my exboyfriend called me out on it. It was one of the best things he ever did for me. At first, I was just trying to make him happy so out loud I would say, "I'm so silly" instead of "I'm so stupid" but overtime that started to change and my inner dialogue was no longer calling myself stupid. And truly I don't know where that lie ever started because I have never been stupid.
Lately, I have been telling myself "I'm amazing!" and slowly I have been starting to believe this. Slowly my inner dialogue is changing. Slowly I'm starting to stand up for myself and believe in myself and know that I'm worth it.
I need to start doing the same thing with my appearance. "I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!!" It doesn't matter what anyone else says, I don't need to change parts of myself to be more beautiful. I am just the way I am.
And who the fuck thought it was okay to define beauty anyway? Seriously, if you are a person who has ever told a woman she needed to change her appearance for cosmetic reasons only (not health) shame on you. SHAME ON YOU!!!! It is so damaging. It is so harmful. And not because women are weak and can't handle being told criticism. It's because it's not true. It's a lie and it holds women back from being great because they are concerned about bettering themselves. Bettering yourself is a sign of strength. But we shouldn't be so concerned about bettering our appearances. We should be bettering our minds, hearts and souls and changing the world around us. We should not be seeking to better our appearances. It's a waste of time because we are focused on the lie.
Today, I'm strong. I am beautiful. I will focus on bettering my mind, heart and soul. I will not be focused on my physical appearance. I pity the man who comes my way and says something differently today. He won't be ready for the rant that is coming his way beacuase this all is a bunch of bullshit and you better belive he needs to know it. Sorry guy, you gotta learn sometime.
